leavin' on a jet plane....

the retainer is done, so one more trip to the dentist, and i am outta here! hopefully tonight! i miss my Pupu so bad! and everyone really. i need some time at least around those people that i love so much!

my watch quit on me this morning, so i have to go buy a cheap one. its like, time just quit being time!

i finally got to talk to my baby boy tonight!!! here is a bit of our lovely conversation!

linds: what were you writing
linds: i was waiting
linds: put it back
linds: you stink
cliff jobe: I have been trying to write this
cliff jobe: hang on
cliff jobe: im not done yet, but here
cliff jobe: linds, i want to spend all my time with you, i want to be able to lay down on our bed and watch a sad movie and be able to cry and hold you in my arms and be comforted by the fact that you will always be with me. I want to be able to hold your hand and walk down the street.
cliff jobe: I want to spend a day outside working in the yard, and come inside and see you smile at me, just thinking about it makes my heart melt
cliff jobe: I have trouble sometimes, i hear a song, or i think about you, and my chest gets tight, my breathing gets slow, and i feel like i might tear up because your not here with me
linds: i feel the same
cliff jobe: i have never felt anything like this linds, i have never felt this way for any of my family, just you
linds: i used to think i felt like this. several times, and i would get emotional, but there i was always holding something back, hangin on for dear life to something, there was no trust, it was all one sided, and i realize that more now than ever
linds: love can be returned and still be unrequited, because if you love someone and they dont love you as much it hurts almost worse than if they didnt love you at all
linds: i used to think it would change. but here, i had a friendship. i had trust, someone i relied on, and i loved you before i liked you. i loved you before i fell in love with you, and i didnt even know i was falling until i hit the ground
linds: people question us, and they always will. some girl in the tent i was talking to yesterday asked me how long we had been together and i lied to her. i feel like i have to make excuses to explain it, because they dont understand the level we see eachother on
linds: im done with that, and thats one reason i want to get married, i want everyone to know that this time its real, and its forever
linds: there is no need for anyone to question me, and there is no reason i should care, because i know whats there. i try not to be affected by peoples reactions and their opinions but its hard.
linds: there is only one that we have to please in this life time, and He, more than we know, knows what we feel
linds: and if we stay on the right track and stop being affected by location and opinion and whether this or that is going to happen, and just communicate with eachother and stop proof reading our thoughts, then we will be perfect
linds: its sucks being away, but we might spend two years apart, that as well as us dying one day, is inevitable, and it only makes it harder if we dont talk about it
linds: everyone is so afraid to talk about death. it happens to everyone and everything

somethings are very strange. like using SPAWAR internet. since we are closer to Europe, the internet sites like blogger.com and google.com come up in Deutch (doytch) :)
luckily, these strange instances will end shortly because I will no longer be closer to Europe than the US. I will be in the United States (well kinda, I guess Hawaii counts). I will be driving around, and spending time on the beach, and sleeping late on Saturdays, and surrounding myself with people that mean so much to me.

I have actually been pretty down latly. here is most of an email I wrote to Clifford yesterday.

I am feeling depressed though, and I think I know what it is. I need to be surrounded by good company. I need to go to church with friendly people that I know and don't feel like I am surrounded by people without faith. A lot of times at Ohana(the church at FOB Warrior), I feel like I am senior in my faith. (I am not trying to be holier then thou, just listen). I need to be around people who have stronger faith then I do. They need to surround me. That is how I felt at Trinity, and I can't wait to feel that again. REAL people. Not soldiers who like to just go to church, or music, but real deep faith. Not saying that everyone at Ohana isn't real, but you know? I understand there are going to be people like that, but those who never seem to stray, families that are all about love and God, honest people who give their hearts to others; that is who I need right now. I know for a fact that i am going to cry my heart out when I finally get to be surrounded by them. I miss them, and I hardly know most of them. I can't wait to be one of those families Cliff. One that is dedicated and involved and when people come to church, new or old, or young, or anything, they will feel welcomed when they see us. They will say, there are the Jobes. And we will invite people into our home no matter what it looks like, and just have loving people surrounding us constantly, and pour out our love to those who hurt or just want to be loved around us. I cant wait to go into Trinity, and be welcomed back. I cant wait to have dinner with Amanda and Will, and thank Mel and Sally in person for taking my stuff TO THEIR HOUSE in the middle of a deployment. This is my intended purpose in life- To love. And No one here really wants it. There are few friendly people in the army, most people are too afraid or ashamed or stressed or busy, and when you love like I do, and your whole body and soul wants to give love and show love, and no one is there to accept it, it hurts. When i tell you that my heart hurts, it's because you are the only one that I can pour it all over and it hurts because there is so much backed up in there.
So all of this, and I need to cry. I have a lot of crying to do. I'm a cryer. I'll cry at the wedding (Joann's and ours), I'll cry at church, I'll cry when I see the family, and at christmas, and new years and hopefully I'll get it all out. I'm just warning you in advance. I have a lot of crying to do.

So that was yesterday afternoon. Immediatly after that I went to eat dinner and strolled over to the Air Force Chapel. I knew there was a Bible Study, but I wasn't really sure what it was about. Well I went, and it was just what I needed. It was already an answered prayer. The Lord was laying that on my heart and fufilled it immediatly. Not saying that one Bible Study took my hurt away, but it helped smooth it out. Also the service this morning was great. I do not have my notes to quote from it, but I will later. I cannot wait til I can write in this daily. (if i ever can).

Fear robs us of the promises of God, because fear means we are actually putting faith in that which opposes what God has promised.

it's been a while

i sit here, on Clifford's computer, wishing we were together. also wishing that we were together in the states. somewhere where we could walk around, holding hands, leaning on eachother, knowing that we didn't have to hide our love for eachother. currently he is at another location. i don't know how i function without him. how could i have ever thought that the love i felt was true love. this is the first relationship that i have been in that involves trust. trust. 100%. it is amazing. i can't wait to share the rest of my life with him. i wish that i could put into words how it feels to know for sure about something.
time is moving. it won't be long now. i thank God for my life and what He has been showing me. He is amazing.

yea july 1st

yea.... so here starts month 12. thats great. and we still are not done.

same thing here. i was away for about 2 weeks, and it sorta threw me off so im trying to get back into the swing of things. still taking it day by day.

cliff has been handing me birthday presents. its great. i can't believe im going to be 23 years old. oh well, i guess i knew it would come at some time.

more soon, i promise.

tonight i accepted a compliment. a guy told me, and really not to hit on me cause he was too busy hitting on my roommate, that i should do stand up comedy. he was obviously very entertained by me all night. i felt special.
i dont know what to do about my roommate. she is trying ("trying") to get over this guy, and cannot just drop it. her famous line is im not going back to him. but we have all heard that before. its frustrating. she is............... ok im just getting frustrated.

on to better things. like how im absolutly in love and it is the most amazing feeling. i have found the love of my life and there is no turning back. none. he keeps making me happy just being himself. i love his family and him so much. we are going to change the world.

it kinda sucks because i say almost the same things every time i write because there is nothing new going on. i should probably be writing fiction because it would be a lot more interesting. but based on my dreams, i dont think i should be doing that either.

ok im out for the night. i might start posting dreams if i keep remembering them.

paperweight- schuyler fisk

Been up all night staring at you
wondering what's on your mind
i've been this way with so many before
but this feels like the first time
you want the sunrise to go back to bed
i want to make you laugh
mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers i'm waiting
every word you say i think
i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
happy to lay here
just happy to lbe here
i'm happy to know you
play me a song
your newest one
please leave your taste on my tongue
paperweight on my back
cover me like a blanket
mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers i'm waiting
every word you say i think
i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and no need to worry
that's wastin time
and no need to wonder
what's been on my mind
it's you
it's you
it's you
every word you say i think
i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and i give up
i let you win
you win cause i'm not counting
you made it back
to sleep again
wonder what you're dreaming

On Memorial Day, May 28, 2007, we honored those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, and given their own lives for this country. We honor our friend, CPL Mokri, who was taken from us at the end of last year. As we go through our days out here one day at a time, we know how lucky we are to be able to look forward and continue on. These men and women who have lost their lives will never be forgotten.

together we can change the world-19May07

you don't have to try, even though i know you feel you need to.
you be you, i'll be me, and together we can change the world.
nothing should be forced, nothing should be hard.
compromise is one thing, changing is another.
i love you for who you are, not what i think you can do for me.
you be you, i'll be me, and together we can change the world.
the kid was right, being in love is total agony.
with every decision i make, every thought, every change in breath, i have you in mind.
you fill even the parts of my life that i haven't got to yet.
i find myself fretting about what i would ever have done if i never saw you through these eyes.
but i did. you saw me first. you showed me. you show me. i feel it.
now i can't get enough.
now tell me how i can make you feel like you make me feel.
i think that would make the circle more complete.
no holding back.
you be you and i'll be me. together we can change the world.
we have a long scary journey in front of us.
one that neither of us really know what is to come.
there is something, that we seem to be skipping over, almost like there is no fear.
maybe it is that easy.
together we can change the world.
right now is hard. there are so many different angles pulling us so tight.
whos to say it will or wont, as long as we stand strong.
i love you and you love me, together we can change the world.

come and tell me goodnight- 22May07

here i am again.
writing.
you should come over here and tell me goodnight.
what has gotten into me?
maybe its the extra time? or the rebellion of studies?
all i think about is you. i think about the future.
i think about our lives together.
you will have to watch me.
a woman who thinks too much can be a dangerous road.
then i will start getting ideas.
you need to come over here and tell me goodnight.
but right now, lets focus on right now.
lets show everyone else who we are, and whose team we are on.
i am alone right now.
you are probably working.
i dont want to interfere.
just wish you would come over here and tell me goodnight.
you seem to be concentrating on something else latly.
dont flood your brain to where there is no room for me.
my brain seems to change everything i do or say into something involving you.
i must stop thinking now.
so why dont you come on over and tell me goodnight?

still havent

well. i still have not made this into a daily thing. or weekly, or monthly. or nearly at all.

in fact. that is true with all of my writing. does anyone write anymore? i think i forgot how. let me sing instead, and someone be my scribe. either write what i should sing, or ill sing what you write.

ive been home for the past two weeks on R&R taking a break with delilah and my mom and dad.

i go back tomorrow.

i cant wait to see my boy. that makes it a lot easier to go back.

PullOn7

this was at the first PullOn7 concert here on base. Do you know that I have just a few days before I go on leave??? I could not be more excited.
Last night my section stayed up all night outside to guard a bunch of equipment. It was cool, and the coolest part was we got off at noon today, and I don't have to be at work until 930 tomorrow!!!!

I really have nothing inspirational to say!
Im watching Marie Antoinette! Kirsten Dunst is
awesome in this movie!!

yumm.... peeps

verses and quotes

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
Col 3:16

Be in the world, not of the world.

A Christian lives not in himself, but in love of Christ and his neighbor.
-Martin Luther

here i sit

here i sit. an early morning in iraq. it is starting to get really hot. spring has just started but i can feel summer peaking over the mountains in the distance. i am so thankful, but forget sometimes, for everything that God has provided for me. no one can promise safety over here, but him. sometimes things are even easier over here, because you aren't dealing with the stresses of home, or the temptation of home. you are here, with limited everything, and there is nothing you can do about it. it is a very real experience, and hard to explain. but Praise God for the sun coming up this morning, and for the guys i work with every day, and for opening my eyes, so that i can see these simple things that make me so happy.

all in some OTHER language

for some reason, the whole blog site is in german or something, so i am very confused.

i am currently in balad, for a medical appointment, and loving every second of it, even the clouds and the crowded tent. its always nice for a break in monotony.

so cliff bought me allen's guitar. its so beautiful. it is made out of kona wood, and is very slim. it is an acoustic/electric and it makes me want to learn that much more. it was very cool that he bought it for me, but he is spoiling me. all i need is MORE STUFF!

all for now, i have to meet mac for coffee.

once again

i have internet once again and i am so thrilled. not for long tonight, because my roommate is here, but tomorrow ill get to fill you in on whats going on here latly.

Jesus is really working in my life, and it is so amazing!!

buying music

im filling up my hard drive with so much music. everyday someone has something new for me to burn or i buy something myself.

i want to be insightful at the moment, but i really dont have the surroundings for that. i have done and read some pretty harsh things in the past 2 days. some being extremely good, and some not so good. i want to talk about them on here, but i dont have the time right now.

im trying to change the look of the page also... bare with me

bublbbleuuble

dunno. music. yes.
isn't weird how things just seem to work. or you stumble across something suddenly. it's one of those feelings like, you learn a word (maybe its your word of the day or you read it somewhere and look it up), then suddenly, like magic, you hear it again, and again.

Barbara Kingsolver is one of my favorite authors, and i am currently reading a memoir written by Stephen King, and apparently they were in a band together, also i have quoted her on here before, because i happened to glance at a magazine she had written in. one time i read a book, simply because Jodi Picoult had quoted on the front cover.

things just work.
i have a friend who is wise beyond his years. sometimes i dont know what to think about it, and others it seems so easy. yet, i can make anything complicated. i will keep astray for that reason, if nothing else.

help me to save the world!
CARE!

another

Never take it seriously! If you never take it seriously, you'll never get hurt. If you never get hurt, You'll always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you can just go to the record store, and visit your friends.

-Penny Lane
Almost Famous

Without music, life would be a mistake!

"I'm not running. I'm not hiding. I'm not reaching. I'm just resting in the arms of the great wide open. Wanna pull my sould in. And I'm almost home!" -Mary Chapin Carpenter

i recieved a box from my best friend growing up and her mother. it was great. her mom said for me to be out here is shows a courageous character, and she isn't suprised because I was the one who always picked up the crickets and kissed them.

"Hey everyone, look what I've got, Christmas cookies!"
"Cookies.... YAYAYAYAY!"

"Who was that strannnngge bluuuuue creeeturee??"

and it sets in

after writing and posting everything i did yesterday, i felt so much better today. i didnt run last night, or read that much, or anything special, and i still felt better today. for some reason time was moving so slowly the past two days, but it is back to normal again.

i received a letter yesterday. well actually, i received a thumb drive, with a letter on it, addressed to Dallas. it was very sweet, and nearly made me cry. it was just from a friend, whom i have built a relationship with since i have been at speicher, and what he thought about me being here, what has gone on since i have been here, and that he hates to see me go. it was very rewarding.

talked to Dan today. he lost 3 friends yesterday. i hate to see him go through this alone. i just pray that he continues to seek God, and pray to Him for all of his needs.

my cousin is just like me, and it scares me to death because she is 15. so she still has the hard times ahead of her! grrr. why does life have to be so confusing. why does everyone have to hate everyone else.

oh i found a really cool non-profit organization at www.care.org

and more

Small change, small wonders- these are the currency of my endurence and untimately of my life.
- Barbara Kingsolver

If you prepare yourself at every point as well as you cae... you will be able to grasp oppurtunity for broader experience when it appears.
- Elenor Roosevelt

i know i keep posting

this is my 4th post in the last couple of minutes, but i want them to be seperate

today i was thinking. a good friend of mine was talking about going skiing. (you know going on a ski trip, like nearly half of the americans that can afford it do EVERY STINKIN YEAR) i was thinking about how vacations like that seem so insipid (my favorite word, if you don't know it, look it up) I mean, doesn't someone want to spend that crazy amount of money that they spend on something worthwhile. that won't last a couple of days and then just be pictures, a pulled hamstring, and a fight that gets bigger as you are leaving because you are, in fact, leaving. i want more than life that this. i want to go all over the world (and all over the US) and skiing is so wonderful, but it sounds so petty right now. blah.

i need prayers for guidence. sometimes i think i love to much. is that possible?

there are things that happen in my life that make me think im special. i get feelings about things that i know to be true, and then they do happen. i will bring subjects up when i walk into church, and the ministers will say, well umm, thats just what i was planning on talking about today. this can get to you. also, i will lay in bed and think to myself, someone is going to knock on the door, so i should just stay awake (not expecting anyone) and then 15 min later or so, knock knock. strange. a

nyway, i really want to help people. i want to love people. sometimes i think i get confused about my feelings of love and decide to let hate out, or just some form of whatever. i really needed to be around people full of love, and the soldiers here have trouble with that. the guys think you are hitting on them, and turn it another way, and the girls just push you away. there aren't many girls here i'm really close to anyway.

so i will now quit ranting, for the day, and continue on my work pattern of finding something to do for the next 3 hours!

much love ::muah::

Hope

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof. What I want is so simple I almost can't say it. Elementary Kindness. Enough to eat, enought to go around. The possibility that kids might one day grow up to be neither the destroyers nor the destroyed. That's about it. Right now I'm living in that hope, running down its hallway, and touching the walls on both sides.

forgot..........

i would would would be putting pictures on here RIGHT NOW! but i forgot, i have to have a program called Hello! and i cannot download it on this computer cause it isn't mine! i forgot....

a couple of quotes, and daily whatevers...

First, I will start with the 5 second rule. For those of you that know it, it doesn't REALLY start until you start counting. Therefore, a twinkee, on the side of the road, is fair game!!
Hey look a twinkee..... one thousand one, one thousand two.......

SGT Henley walked into the office (sounds like the horse that walks into a bar) and I said to him "SGT, why is it everytime you are around, I smell alcohol??"
His quick response is "Maybe, it's because my presense is so intoxicating!"
Touche!

Yesterday Vantine said "Coffee really ticks me off, because it is just so freakin' hot!
haha. yes.

times

Times go by way too fast. I was just on the glorious MYSPACE looking at pictures of my cousins! I wish so badly that I was there with them.

Work is so boring today.

Yesterday we had a long conversation about men and women and relationships. (It was me and about 5 guys!) Well one of the guys said "Why do you think that men alwasy die before women? ::long dramatic pause:: Because WE WANT TO!" It was so funny!

There is quite a bit I want to write in here, and I make small notes on my notepads, but I always forget to bring them along. I also forgot my picture cd. I am still not sure if I am doing this for myself or what. No one is looking at it. At least right now. But it is just something to keep people updated.

Ok I promise the next post will be much more entertaining. *did i say that last time??*

much love

for my dad

ok. since this one is first, i would love to make it very very long. i did not, however, expect, or think about making a new one before i came over to use the computer, so i will have to return tomorrow, or at a later date.
everyone must understand that i am very limited to what i can write on here and when i can post because i am deployed, and a lot of our internet systems keep everyone out of blog sites.

thank you for bearing with me. im sure no one will ever know about this site until i tell them, because everyone has decided that blogs are not important unless they are on your myspace page. well myspace is also the new place for perverts to prowl.

i am mainly starting this for my daddy. i will try to put pictures on. it is going to be rocky for a bit, but at least there is somewhere. once i get back to my "home fob" i may have commercial internet in my living quarters, so that would be good because i could get on all the time.

i have so many new quotes to write because i have been choaking down books since i came out here!

love to all