somethings are very strange. like using SPAWAR internet. since we are closer to Europe, the internet sites like blogger.com and google.com come up in Deutch (doytch) :)
luckily, these strange instances will end shortly because I will no longer be closer to Europe than the US. I will be in the United States (well kinda, I guess Hawaii counts). I will be driving around, and spending time on the beach, and sleeping late on Saturdays, and surrounding myself with people that mean so much to me.

I have actually been pretty down latly. here is most of an email I wrote to Clifford yesterday.

I am feeling depressed though, and I think I know what it is. I need to be surrounded by good company. I need to go to church with friendly people that I know and don't feel like I am surrounded by people without faith. A lot of times at Ohana(the church at FOB Warrior), I feel like I am senior in my faith. (I am not trying to be holier then thou, just listen). I need to be around people who have stronger faith then I do. They need to surround me. That is how I felt at Trinity, and I can't wait to feel that again. REAL people. Not soldiers who like to just go to church, or music, but real deep faith. Not saying that everyone at Ohana isn't real, but you know? I understand there are going to be people like that, but those who never seem to stray, families that are all about love and God, honest people who give their hearts to others; that is who I need right now. I know for a fact that i am going to cry my heart out when I finally get to be surrounded by them. I miss them, and I hardly know most of them. I can't wait to be one of those families Cliff. One that is dedicated and involved and when people come to church, new or old, or young, or anything, they will feel welcomed when they see us. They will say, there are the Jobes. And we will invite people into our home no matter what it looks like, and just have loving people surrounding us constantly, and pour out our love to those who hurt or just want to be loved around us. I cant wait to go into Trinity, and be welcomed back. I cant wait to have dinner with Amanda and Will, and thank Mel and Sally in person for taking my stuff TO THEIR HOUSE in the middle of a deployment. This is my intended purpose in life- To love. And No one here really wants it. There are few friendly people in the army, most people are too afraid or ashamed or stressed or busy, and when you love like I do, and your whole body and soul wants to give love and show love, and no one is there to accept it, it hurts. When i tell you that my heart hurts, it's because you are the only one that I can pour it all over and it hurts because there is so much backed up in there.
So all of this, and I need to cry. I have a lot of crying to do. I'm a cryer. I'll cry at the wedding (Joann's and ours), I'll cry at church, I'll cry when I see the family, and at christmas, and new years and hopefully I'll get it all out. I'm just warning you in advance. I have a lot of crying to do.

So that was yesterday afternoon. Immediatly after that I went to eat dinner and strolled over to the Air Force Chapel. I knew there was a Bible Study, but I wasn't really sure what it was about. Well I went, and it was just what I needed. It was already an answered prayer. The Lord was laying that on my heart and fufilled it immediatly. Not saying that one Bible Study took my hurt away, but it helped smooth it out. Also the service this morning was great. I do not have my notes to quote from it, but I will later. I cannot wait til I can write in this daily. (if i ever can).

Fear robs us of the promises of God, because fear means we are actually putting faith in that which opposes what God has promised.